A few random quotes

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Mark Twain
No one can be as calculatedly rude as the British, which amazes Americans, who do not understand studied insult and can only offer abuse as a substitute.
Paul Gallico, US writer
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
Terry Pratchett
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
John Adams
If my theory of relativity is proven correct, Germany will claim me as a German and France will say I am a man of the world. If it's proven wrong, France will say I am a German and Germany will say I am a Jew.
Albert Einstein
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
George Burns
I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy.
Richard Feynman
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
Douglas Adams
There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
Jeremy S. Anderson
SCSI is *NOT* magic. There are *fundamental technical reasons* why it is necessary to sacrifice a young goat to your SCSI chain now and then.
John Woods
"Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window."
Steve Wozniak
"The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck, is probably the day Microsoft starts making vacuum cleaners.
Ernst Jan Plugge
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practise either of them.
Mark Twain
America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization.
George Clemenceau (1841-1929), French politician
Reader, suppose you were an idiot; and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
Mark Twain
Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say `lift' ... they say `President', we say `stupid psychopathic git'.
Alexi Sayle, British comedian
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government, and I'm here to help.
Ronald Reagan
The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
Frank Zappa
He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
George Bernard Shaw
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
John Quinton
Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
Charles de Gaulle
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx
Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
Tom Lehrer
People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election.
Otto von Bismarck
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
Ronald Reagan
The best argument against democracy is a fiveminute conversation with the average voter.
Winston Churchill
I think politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P.J. O'Rourke
I sometimes think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Oscar Wilde
There is much to be said in favor of modern journalism. By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.
Oscar Wilde
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain
I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend if you have one.
George Bernard Shaw, to Winston Churchill
Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second if there is one.
Winston Churchill, in reply
Winston, if you were my husband I would flavor your coffee with poison.
Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if I were your husband, I should drink it.
Winston Churchill, in reply
Sir, you will die either of the pox or on the gallows.
Earl of Sandwich to John Wilkes
That, my lord, depends on whether I embrace your mistress or your principles.
John Wilkes, in reply
Senator, you have the vote of every thinking person!
Anonymous, to Adlai E. Stevenson
That's not enough, madam, we need a majority!
Adlai E. Stevenson, in reply
Must you fall asleep while I'm speaking?
Member of Parliament to Winston Churchill
No, it is purely voluntary.
Winston Churchill, in reply
Reporter: "Mr. Gandhi, what do you think of Western civilization?"
Gandhi: "I think it would be a very good idea."
Mahatma Ghandi
A witty saying proves nothing.
I remain just one thing, and one thing only -- and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician.
Charlie Chaplin
The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.
Shirely MacLaine
We don't stop laughing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop laughing.
Author Unknown
Every human being is a clown but only few have the courage to show it.
Charlie Rivel
The world belongs to those who set out to conquer it armed with self confidence and good humour.
Charles Dickens
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