The office quotes (part 1).

A.K.A. The best argument ever for not working in an engineering department.
Also see the Who does what table at the end.
2003-March 2004 April-May 2004 June-July 2004 Aug-Oct 2004 Nov 2004-Jan 2005 Feb 2005-Jun 2005 Quotes Index Front page

Hugh: "Why is it that you always come to lunch with us rather than going with your own team?"
Anon: "That's not a team. It's a collection of arguments."
(2003)
Matt: "Do you know John?"
Alice: "No, what's he look like?"
Matt: "Kind of like an attack hampster."
(2003)
"Speaking of shooting people..."
Alice, 2003
Bill: "How's the new keypad?"
Bob: < shrug > "Everyone I've ever given one to has never talked to me again."
Jan 9th, 2004
Matt: "Yeah, when the coffee pot's empty you have to clean it and make a new batch but no one here ever does and it makes me so mad, they should just... [etc. for about 5 minutes...]
Alice: "That's why I don't drink coffee. Too much politics."
Lunchtime conversation, January 2004
"L2 is just not L1."
Bill, 2004.
"It would appear that I know a lot of things that I just don't remember."
Hugh, Jan 2004.
"My brain hurts me."
Harry, Jan 2004.
Henry: "You know, when engineering plays against ops at Halo, we always beat them four to one at their own game."
Alice: "Hmm. You do realize that the symbolism here is quite telling."
Hugh: "That's not symbolism. This is just a case of coincidence reflecting reality".
Hallway conversation, January 28, 2004.
"You smell nice... Not that you normally smell nasty or anything."
Jane, Jan 2004
"We should start a consulting company where we name other companies' conference rooms and give them advice on their shung fuey."
Henry, lunchtime conversation Feb 2004
Hugh: "When the computer system says that your new password must be 6 or more characters it actually means that it must be 7 or more."
Henry: "So we have a computer system that can't count to 6?"
Jane: "Hey, even I'm smarter than that."
(February 16, 2004).
"Sorry, I've been reading Dilbert, and it gives me all sorts of weird ideas."
(Alan, February, 2004.)
"Typically, firmware tends to behave like firmware..."
(Hugh, February 2004.)
"Duh, don't you guys know by now that every time [our other office] throws something over the wall to us it arrives in pieces?"
(Matt, February 2004).
"You see, in a normal company, things work as follows..."
(Bill, March 2004).
Alice: "Hey Harry, can I borrow one of your connectors?"
Harry: "Sure, what kind?"
Alice: "Uh, you know, big one to a small one?"
(March 2004)
"Hey, I finally outsmarted my cat!"
(Jane, March 2004)
"I ask the weirdest questions to the weirdest person, that way I have good hopes of getting an answer."
(Henry, March 2004).
Who does what:
AdministrationJane
AlgorithumsAl, Alan, Albert, Andrew, Angus, Adam, Alice
Firmware Eng. Frank, Ferris
Hardware Eng. Hugh, Harry, Henry, Holden
Managment Bill, Ben, Bob
Mechanical Eng. Matt, Mark
Operations Oliver
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